Come back post

well, it's been a while since I last visited and posted here..

not to be mean, but I think, this one's just a temporary safe haven, I only come for a visit whenever I ran out of places to go.

actually, right now, right at the very moment when my fingertips press these letters, I actually have no place to go, no one to speak to, well I can speak if I desperately want to but this situation calls for the silent and pretender in me to cease, so here goes another, silent pretending moment, a bunch of this would come soon, and it hurts. And I hate it because i'm all over this all over again, and I don't know what to do, whom to speak, where to burst and how to free myself. And I don't want to be on the same situation all over again, and if I ever will, I don't want it to be the same again, I don't want to do nothing but pretend again, I don't want to make the same mistake. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want, I don't want. But, how? How could I? How? How????